Born for Bonding: The Evolutionary Quest for Love and Self-Discovery in Relationships

What you need to know

This article highlights the natural human need for companionship, challenging the notion that seeking romantic relationships is wrong. It emphasizes our evolutionary history as communal beings and the emotional support and comfort gained from companionship. To establish healthy relationships, the article suggests self-work and healing one's "deepest shadows," recommending resources like "Whole Again" by Jackson MacKenzie and therapy. It also mentions "8 Rules of Love" by Jay Shetty and podcasts by Steven Bartlett for insights into healthier relationships. The key takeaway is the importance of self-awareness in fostering fulfilling connections and personal growth.

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We’ve were told our whole lives that longing for romantic relationships is wrong and we are often encouraged to find in activities, friendships, family, and self-love fulfillment. Let’s get real. We are creatures born for companionship and have been molded our entire lives by books and movies to want to have a happily ever ending with the love of our lives. 

We are driven by a profound need of human connection and interaction. These traits can be traced back to our evolutionary history as communal beings, it is crucial for our survival as a species, we inherited the basic need to belong.  Companionship provides us with emotional support, it is the source of comfort during both joyful and challenging times. Companionship fulfills our innate desire for intimacy and love, enhancing our emotional well-being and overall quality of life.In essence, our pursuit of companionship is a testament to our deeply ingrained social nature, heightening the significance of relationships and community in the human experience.

The key is how to find the most suitable companion for ourselves.  As much as we’d like to blame our environment and everyone for our failed or toxic relationships, the fault is in ourselves. We often look for traits we are familiar with and if you had the misfortune of growing up in an unstable environment you will most probably be attracted to that. 

In the journey to find a partner who gives you peace of mind, pushes you to be the best version of yourself, nourishes your relationship, and is willing to make an effort, you must find ways to heal your deepest shadows. You might start by reading Whole Again by Jackson MacKenzie or invest in therapy. 

What I’m trying to say is, that to find a healthy relationship you will need to work on yourself. Be patient, it will pay off. 

Once you’ve discovered what shadows attracted toxic relationships, you’ll start to choose consciously and you’ll be able to see a drastic contrast between the relationships you had versus the ones you are attracting now. This will not only apply to romantic relationships but also to all kinds of human connections. 

Luckily, the market has been swan by incredible books like 8 Rules of Love by Jay Shetty and podcasts conducted by Steven Bartlett with episodes targeting healthier relationships. 

Remember that when we are attuned to our own emotions, values, and boundaries, we not only nurture our individual growth but also pave the way for deeper, more fulfilling connections with others. Through the mirror of self-awareness, we gain the clarity and power to control our lives as we wish. The capacity to love and be loved in the truest and flourishing sense is learned. 

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